This week we are publishing two poems by Palestinian poet Bayan Fares. Look out for the second one this Thursday insha’Allah.
I Received a Strange Text Today
“Are you okay?”
How do I answer that?
Knowing people of my skin, flesh, and bone
Are being executed, ethnically cleansed in droves
“Are you okay?”
How do I even tackle that?
After witnessing flesh slit
Bodies open and split
“Are you okay?”
How do I tell her I’m unwell?
As easily as I’d answer when I’m sick
Except this time, I’m not physically ill
But my stomach is in a pit
Wanting to vomit
Enough times to go pale and grow weak
To try to feel an ounce of the pain of my kin
“Are you okay?”
How do I answer that knowing what I’ve just seen today?
How would you answer that?
What cave would you find and crawl into?
What darkness would you hide in
To not have to answer the question,
“Are you okay?”
How do I breathe?
After I’ve died
After I’ve discovered I’m on borrowed time
How do I answer a question
Asked over and over again
When deep inside, all I’m doing is waiting
Watching the clock tik and tik
Until it stops
Until the horn blows
And the dead rise
And the souls all flee to their Lord
I, would be amongst the first
To stand eagerly in front of my God
To say,
“I never wanted to bear witness
But today, I stand before You and I bear witness
To oppression, to occupation, to martyrdom
I bear witness
And I’m grateful for having been allowed to bear witness
So that I could crave Your presence
So that I could flee life a thousand times
Just to be in Your presence”
This,
Is the only thing that will ever make me feel
Okay
Bayan is a Palestinian writer, poet, Licensed Social Worker, Tatreez Instructor, and founder of Badan Collective. She has a Masters in Social Service Administration from the University of Chicago and resides in the Chicagoland area. She founded Badan Collective on the premise of keeping the tradition of tatreez (Palestinian embroidery) thriving in the diaspora, which has allowed her to teach tatreez courses all over the nation.
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